Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
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She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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