Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
