I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You need Xanax blowdarts
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Help. Why am I so naked?
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