I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
