My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
