mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
