I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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