I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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