my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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