Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
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Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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