Got a toothbrush?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
