Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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