You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
