Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
