I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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