i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I have already put on my inside pants.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
