i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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