Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Randomize
