you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize