best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
