i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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