Apparently you make a good broom.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
