we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Will exercising make me less horny?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
