just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
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I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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