just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Operation Purity has been aborted
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
We need to get me chipped asap
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
