Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
