first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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