Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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