and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize