too bad you live with your parents still
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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