I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Don't EVER smell your tampon
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
