Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
