I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
