that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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