highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
