Pants 0. Shit 1.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
