Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
