Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
how does that bad decision feel?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
