Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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