If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
