I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
