he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
