I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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