I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
