i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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