i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
