Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
