Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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