U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
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