i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
