I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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