so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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