Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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