a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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