You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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