weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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